Confessions of a worry wart: Judgment

Alot of things come as you sit and self reflect and as I traverse my new journey of discovering how my fear has effected my life I learn a new shocking fact each time. As a worry wart I am very hard on myself.  It becomes so easy to pass judgment on myself and to critize not only what I have done but even what I have yet to do which honestly limits my progress in every aspect of my life.  I seek growth every day so when I discovered my fear made me judge not only myself more critically but every one around me I was heart broken.  I wish to be someone who lifts people up at all times.  I wish to be a light for others and for myself, but in my fear I first start to break myself down little by little which invites my criticism of others to abound.  

My opinions of myself and others get in the way of being truly loving and accepting and we are works in progress,  always,  so my "opinions"  have no place in my relationships or my knowledge of people.  I recently read that the scariest part of the word opinion is the word "pin."  I love this because it describes what our opinions can do to others.  In my fear I have regarded others opinions of me and judgments to be gospel.  With this has opened doors to that three letter word pin. It causes us to be pinned down in expectations but we are more than we appear.  So by enabling ourselves to be pinned down by others we limit our our growth and our gifts from manifesting in our lives.  I suppose this entry will remain short because I just want to say first I'm sorry to everyone in my life for limiting our relationship, limiting who you are and doubting who you can become from the fear that has resided within me.  Then I will also apologize to myself because it all starts with you!!!  Learn to love yourself,  embrace yourself and push yourself to your limits because I do believe if given the opportunity we would be AMAZED at what lies within us.  I know that there is more than meets the eye to us all and just ask over the next week that we all try to love freely,  accept others without judgment and remember people can only affect who you are as much as you allow.  As I read this book I'm reading I hope to share with you my new discoveries and hope it helps you to free yourself of your judgments and the judgments of others as it starts to help me. 

Confessions of a Worry Wart: Manifestation

My confessions continue by explaining how my fears and incessant worry manifests itself in other parts of my life. It's like it is a live organism that protects itself as I begin to oppose it. It seems strange to say that, but let me give you an example:

After I have had a joyful, worry free day I often go to sleep and dream about the scenarios I fear most. It's pure torture! I wake up that next day with a reminder of the things I have been worried about and feel like it has already played out! It starts off my day with little to no resistance against my worries. I have to remind myself that it wasn't real and just because I can feel the emotions that a particular scenario would cause as a result of my dreams doesn't mean I have to let it effect the rest of my day. My mind has been trained to worry and as a result it will restart the vicious cycle of being a worry wart.

My heart is fearful. It is unsure and unfortunately will do what it takes to protect my emotions although it does more harm than good when trying to do so sometimes.

Remember your emotions are tricky and can lead you down such a dangerous path.

 Jeremiah 17:9 ESV  

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?

         

1 John 3:20 ESV        

For whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything.          

Proverbs 28:26 ESV         

Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered.

In the famous words of Frozen I have had to "Let it Go!"

It is easier said than done. But if I don't daily or even constantly make an effort to let go of the things that concern me then it finds ways to bleed into other aspects of my life. It has put strain on my relationships, it has put strain on my joy, my peace and even has literally changed the outcome of various situations I have been involved in. It will rule your life if you allow it too! I want to remind everyone including myself that our thoughts do bring forth manifestations in our lives. And by battling negative thoughts and fears and then replacing them with positive things you will bring forth positive outcomes in your life.

 

Philippians 4:8 ESV         

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.            

Philippians 4:6 ESV          

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

 

When I am worried or afraid I have to remember to let it go and give it to God. Then I have to focus on the good things in my life because that fear will try and take root again in the place it just left and like weeds choke out a vegetable garden fear and worry can choke out joy.

 

Proverbs 17:22 ESV        

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

 

We can't let our fear crush out spirit. We can't let it  manifest itself so strong that we believe in the inevitability of negativity and pain. The goal in all of this however is to take it one day at a time. Maybe even one particular thought at a time and turn it around. I will just finish it off with a positive reminder to help you and I through the week. No matter how bad we think a circumstance is or how badly we think things will turnout we must remember this:

 

Jeremiah 29:11 ESV         

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.         

 

 

Let that fear go and remember God has already promised to always give us a future and a hope.

 

 





 

Confessions of a Worry Wart

It is hard to know where to start because I have literally been a worry wart for as long as I can remember. I can't just say "well it all began when...." because I can't even pin point that moment where I started dwelling on possibilities or eventualities. I do know however that every single concern and worry grew from a pool of fear that lies within me and in order to rise above it I have had to deal with that fear.

I have had instances in my life that fueled that fear in me. Those instances that momentarily validated the stream of thought and concern that exuded from my mind. But instead of taking them as "momentary experiences" I took them as my reality. A reality that has formed the kind of limits in my life that have prohibited me from finding that peace I believe everyone has access too.

I can also tell you that I am a Believer. Simply meaning in my world that I do believe in God and that his son died for my sins. I have a relationship with God and we speak daily and he is constantly helping me. SO everything above this paragraph is against everything I KNOW to be true.

 1 John 4:18

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

 

 

 

I know that fear is relentless and tormenting. I know god made me in his perfect love. And I know that that love should cast all fear from me. I am just learning to let it go in order for that to happen.

I have found that my preconceived notions and the scenarios I have in my head is my way of controlling the things that haven't happened. That I grasp for control in hopes of avoiding hurt and that in this I haven't quite been able to turn it all over and let it all go.

 

I am going to bring this entry to an end by confessing a few of the fears that have tormented me. As I start on this journey with you I hope to share some of the ways I have found victory over my fear and also become so transparent and honest with you and myself that I can reveal what my fears have limited in my life and the hurt it has even caused others. And lastly how I can continue to grow in this and move on.

 

I fear rejection. This is my largest fear and the scariest thing I have come up against. I fear that everyone will inevitably hurt me, that since I have been hurt in the past that I will be hurt again. That I am "damaged goods" and as a result I'll be given up for the next best thing. It makes me literally afraid of people. I fear loss of love.

 

I fear failure.

 

I fear not being my best all the time.

 

I know I am afraid. But I know I don't have to be!

 

That this is just the beginning of healing!