Confessions of a Worry Wart

It is hard to know where to start because I have literally been a worry wart for as long as I can remember. I can't just say "well it all began when...." because I can't even pin point that moment where I started dwelling on possibilities or eventualities. I do know however that every single concern and worry grew from a pool of fear that lies within me and in order to rise above it I have had to deal with that fear.

I have had instances in my life that fueled that fear in me. Those instances that momentarily validated the stream of thought and concern that exuded from my mind. But instead of taking them as "momentary experiences" I took them as my reality. A reality that has formed the kind of limits in my life that have prohibited me from finding that peace I believe everyone has access too.

I can also tell you that I am a Believer. Simply meaning in my world that I do believe in God and that his son died for my sins. I have a relationship with God and we speak daily and he is constantly helping me. SO everything above this paragraph is against everything I KNOW to be true.

 1 John 4:18

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

 

 

 

I know that fear is relentless and tormenting. I know god made me in his perfect love. And I know that that love should cast all fear from me. I am just learning to let it go in order for that to happen.

I have found that my preconceived notions and the scenarios I have in my head is my way of controlling the things that haven't happened. That I grasp for control in hopes of avoiding hurt and that in this I haven't quite been able to turn it all over and let it all go.

 

I am going to bring this entry to an end by confessing a few of the fears that have tormented me. As I start on this journey with you I hope to share some of the ways I have found victory over my fear and also become so transparent and honest with you and myself that I can reveal what my fears have limited in my life and the hurt it has even caused others. And lastly how I can continue to grow in this and move on.

 

I fear rejection. This is my largest fear and the scariest thing I have come up against. I fear that everyone will inevitably hurt me, that since I have been hurt in the past that I will be hurt again. That I am "damaged goods" and as a result I'll be given up for the next best thing. It makes me literally afraid of people. I fear loss of love.

 

I fear failure.

 

I fear not being my best all the time.

 

I know I am afraid. But I know I don't have to be!

 

That this is just the beginning of healing!